10 Things To Get Rid Of If You Want To Be Happy

What would you throw away right now if you were given a magical trashcan where you could get rid of all the stuff that’s causing you stress? During times of stress and heaviness, what we need is to let go of the things that are causing the overwhelming feeling of, “it’s too much.”

It’s not about taking on more — it’s about being willing to do less.

So if you could toss out 10 things in your life right now, what would they be?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and have been for a long time, here are 10 ways to change your thinking to lighten the stressful load you’ve been carrying and finally give yourself a break:

10 things you need to get rid of if you want to be happy

What would you throw away right now if you were given a magical trashcan where you could get rid of all the stuff that’s causing you stress? During times of stress and heaviness, what we need is to let go of the things that are causing the overwhelming feeling of, “it’s too much.”

It’s not about taking on more — it’s about being willing to do less.

So if you could toss out 10 things in your life right now, what would they be?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and have been for a long time, here are 10 ways to change your thinking to lighten the stressful load you’ve been carrying and finally give yourself a break:

10 Things To Get Rid Of If You Want To Be Happy :

1. Get rid of the need to please.

2. Stop feeling like you need to explain yourself.

3. Don’t feel the need to reply immediately to everything (hello, to emails taking over your life!).

4. Let yourself be unavailable when you need to be. It’s OK to say “no” to that event or party.

5. Cast away the thought that you need X to be successful. Why is it we often feel that ONE thing has the power to make or break us? It’s simply not true. There’s always another opportunity.

6. Get rid of the desire to show yourself off. You are enough as you are. There are people that will see you for who you are without having to prove anything.

7. Stop trying to be accepted by everyone. Not everyone is going to accept you and that’s OK. Our job is to accept that.

8. Remember that you don’t need to know every detail. There’s a mystery to the way life works. You might as well embrace it.

9. Toss out the need to be “good” or “perfect.” It’s OK to mess up. It’s OK for someone to see you become a little crazy. It happens to all of us.

10. Stop holding onto the stress of feeling you are responsible to hold up everyone around you. Trust that there is a greater force helping them. Helping and supporting others is wonderful. But the moment it causes stress is a signal to let go. Trust that they will be supported just as you are supported by a greater life-force.

Tossing out the heaviness and the stress that weighs us down is the easiest way to feel light and free again. In lightness and freedom comes a sense of openness, expansiveness, and newfound energy.

And it is with this awakened energy that we can actually do better work and end up helping more people.

When we feel good, we can create a greater impact. So take some time today and make a list of five to 10 things that YOU want to let go of.

Write them down and start tossing them out one at a time. Then, in the comments below, share with us what you plan to let go of!

Breathe into the lightness, freedom, and awakened energy that you’ll receive when you clear out the clutter in your life. You deserve it.

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All Girls Are the King's Princesses

Recently I went to a very special graduation ceremony where two young women celebrated the rites of passage, from a discipleship program through recovery into a world emergent with possibilities. From an experience of darkness, these young women, through the Esther Foundation, have been groomed for leadership - through practicing leadership.

I've had the privilege of journeying with a family of one of the graduands. The whole family have been through such a courageous milieu. Each has been tested significantly, as life finds a time to test us all. Admiration is the only thing to be afforded those who inspire us, and inspire us these families do.

The reason the Esther Foundation program seems to work is the principle of the Kingship of Christ as it intersects with the fact that all girls - in God's economy of things - are princesses. But not just any old princesses are our daughters and sisters; they are princesses of the King!

This is no feel-good sentiment; it is a fact throbbing irrepressibly with God's good grace.

Each girl, each young woman, each mature woman, and each elderly woman; all these are princesses of incredibly unfathomable worth to the Lord.

It is a fact that each boy, each young man, each mature man, and each elderly man are just as cherished to God.

Whenever we begin to see ourselves as God sees us, healing is never too far away.

When we grasp just what is at stake in life - the taking of lives by the enemy against the giving of lives by the Son - we realise we have a fresh opportunity.

Praise will change the emphasis in this divine struggle. Joy will repel the enemy's darts. Hope will replace doubting moments that separate us from our confidence and send us into glimpses of despair. Love is experienced and it speaks volumes to us; once, and now forever.

Jesus reminds us that when we are his, we are safe, we are loved and, indeed, loveable. And we are his whenever we accept this free gift - salvation.

***

Whenever we begin to see ourselves as God sees us, healing is never too far away.

God has ordained from the beginning - an eternal truth - so far as girls are concerned - every single one is a princess of the King. For a young woman to live this truth is power to experience joy, to live content, to magnify praise for her King, and to take life courageously as it comes.

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The 10 Gifts Of a Romantic Relationship

1. The gift of having a partner. You've got a partner in crime. In all your whimsical adventures, in all your misadventures, in every place you want to go to and things you want to try, you always have someone beside you, ready to explore the world with you. Even in simple things as having Sunday brunches or staying up late to watch reruns, there's always someone to share a moment with.

2. The gift of having a back up. You've got a steady back up. You know not all your decisions are wise, but you have an assurance that no matter what, someone always got your back.

3. The gift of having a catcher. Someone's always ready to catch you when you fall. You may be a strong person, but there are times when you want to just raise your white flag. Of course family and friends will always be there, but having someone special to lean on is another thing.

4. The gift of care. You've got someone to take care of you, and if you're lucky, someone to take care of you forever. You can open your own door, you can carry your things, you can pay your bills. But, if someone does all these little thoughtful things for you, can life get any better?

5. The gift of affirmation. Constant shower of gifts, hugs and mushy lines. You get your daily dose of sweet messages and frequent surprises.

6. The gift of having "who to contact during an emergency or not so emergency cases". No matter how late, no matter how crazy the reason may be, no matter how inconvenient, there's always someone you can call when you need to.

7. The gift of intimacy. You are practically sharing your life and this other person is sharing his/her life to you. "Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow".

8. The gift of a beautiful story. Every story has an ending. When you're in a relationship, there are only two possible endings for you. You either end up together or you break up. Just two. Sometimes you decide mutually, sometimes you have no other choice but to accept what your partner has chosen for you (and that sucks, I know). However it ends, trust that the purpose for the ending is always for the best, though it may take some time for that to be obvious.

9. The gift of lessons. With the story or experience comes the lessons. Lessons that will wake you, change you, break and rebuild you. Lessons that will make you realize what you really want, what you really need and what you really deserve.

10. The gift of love. Because really, the point of all romantic relationships is just to love and be loved.

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The First Step of Building Your Career

Congratulations you have been appointed for this position, welcome to the team. This particular type of sentence is the ultimate response every candidate wants to hear after an interview. From increasing competition to a unstable economy the pressure to land a job is magnificent. But one day your hard-work finally pays off and you receive an appointment letter. A moment of joy surrounds you and you can feel your mind releasing all the pressure instantly but before you get comfortable a word of caution, your journey towards building a successful career has just begun, this is the official first step. The importance of standing firm on the first step of your career is immense because your objective is to move forward, not to fall behind. Your first job is the first step of building your career and being positive, confident and prepared from the very first day will help you move forward.

Being prepared is the most important element on the first day of your job because your employers will test their judgment on hiring you by the way you represent yourself. The most common assumption by every new employee is that their duties begin from the moment the employer assigns them. Unfortunately this assumption is considered unprofessional in the business world, certainly you might have learned the job description by heart but there are some duties that the employer assumes you to perform on your own from day one. Numerous scenarios and questions may be forming in your mind such as:

- What if I make a mistake?
- What if I don't have an answer to a question? - it will be a great embarrassment and create a bad impression.

The global phenomenon is that: no one is perfect, everyone has flaws which can't be eliminated from their life but can be improved on with sincere commitment and practice. Definitely the first day on a job can be very stressful because you can easily compare yourself to a high school or college freshman, unaware of the surroundings with new people observing you. Yes, it is true the moment you step into the office your actions will be curiously observed by your employer and co-workers. Don't hesitate, be confident and focused, continuously remind yourself that you successfully cleared the selection process, you can overcome your fears and survive throughout the day in a positive manner too. With such a consideration in mind a question may have arisen: How should I put my best foot forward on the first day?

From my perspective here are few key points you should always remember and consider practicing:

1) Manage Your Time - it's necessary to manage your time and drop any plans on the first day. It's also important to test drive your new location because this will help you plan a shorter route, just in case you are late. Make it a goal to arrive early to work because this can help in buying some time to search around the area for small things that might take your time such as a coffee shop location or finding a parking spot. As well leaving late after office hours is also advisable as you can attain a better understanding of the office culture.

2) Dress Professionally- as previously mentioned in the last article dressing appropriately according to the working environment is essential. Dressing professionally portrays your seriousness and respect towards the image of the company. If you have given an on-site interview previously choosing what to wear can be an easy task since you must have paid attention to people around you and the attire.

3) Ask for Help - this might seem to be an awkward task because you might be focusing on creating a strong independent image. It is acceptable to ask for help because everyone has a first day on the job and it's assumed that you will require help. As I said before no body is perfect, it's OK to inquire about any doubts as attaining a better understanding of the assigned tasks can prevent from making mistakes or leaving tasks incomplete. And if you make a mistake, accept it and develop plans to fix the problem because taking responsibilities of your mistakes proves that you are honest and hardworking towards the company.

4) Take Notes - taking notes is very essential for the first few days in a new working environment because this will help you become more productive and it will prevent you from missing important key points or tasks assigned to you. Carry a notepad or any gadget that might help you write down notes quickly.

5) Be Ambitious - be ambitious towards your duties. After you have completed the assigned work don't wait for your boss to call you for additional assignments, take the initiative and volunteer. In the corporate world it's observed that those employees who take the initiative to take additional assignments and help others are highly appreciated. So get up and help, your efforts will be noticed.

6) Listen - practice on becoming a good listener. Carefully listen to the small first hand advice your employer offers you because such advice will help in boosting your career and improve your working skills.

7) Socialize - socializing with your co-workers increases your confidence level and gives you a chance to better understand them. Use that free hour to get to know people, don't be shy, join a group that gets together after working hours. Introduce yourself to every individual you meet, shake hands and smile, exchange a dialogue with your co-workers and let them know that you are available if they require any assistance. Don't use your free time to discuss about personal issues, leave personal issues at home because it may lead others to believe that you are disorganized and irresponsible. It's highly advisable to avoid such conversations throughout your employment.

8) Email a Thank you - always remember to send a thank you email to those people that have helped you throughout the day. It's similar in manner as the follow up email were after an interview you thank the employer for taking their time out. In my opinion it's very impressive to send a personal thank you message to each person and show your appreciation because only few employees take the time to thank people who assisted them.

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4 Online Business Ideas With Low Start-Up Cost

Are you interested in starting your own business, but you have a very small budget to start with? The idea of starting a business has long been viewed as a very expensive venture and is only a common practice among a small group of people. Thankfully, the technology era has leveled the playing field for starting a business. It is now possible to get started with very little cash. And by gaining the right knowledge and skills, you can own a very lucrative business. In this article, I have compiled a list of 4 profitable online business ideas that you can start, with just a laptop and internet access.

1. Become A Website Developer.

Website development has created many business opportunities over the past couple of decades. Now that there are open source platforms like WordPress, it is quite possible for anyone with a computer/laptop and an internet connection can become a website developer, even if you have basic technical skills. If you are uncertain of whether or not you are able to start a business, creating websites for clients, then a short, informal online course in WordPress can fill in the blanks and give you the confidence to offer your service to potential clients.

In addition to, website development, you can offer hosting services to your clients. And no, you don't have to own a server. You can get hosting services for very little money. You can then offer the service as part of your package for website development. This price is usually set a bit higher than what you pay for the hosting.

Online business ideas like website development, don't require that you have a business space, so if you are strapped for cash and don't want to incur the monthly cost of an internet bill, then this is the kind of business for you. You can take your laptop to your favorite cafe shop, and make use of their free internet service. Make sure you buy something from the shop, as this will keep you and the business owner happy.

2. Start An Online Store.

This is one of the most lucrative online business ideas I know of. You can start a business online, selling your own products, or selling other people's products. The clear advantage of this business model is that you are not restricted by creativity, or location. If you do not have a product, and don't have the slightest idea how to come up with one, then you can earn huge commissions from selling other people's product. This is one of the few online business ideas that you can start with no money.

If you don't have an online store, it would cost very little for you to set one up for yourself, or have someone set one up for you. As mentioned before, open source platforms like WordPress and Joomla makes it possible for anyone to create a website. WordPress has great support along with free plugins that can make it very easy for you to create an online store with a shopping cart and an automated checkout system.

However, if the monthly cost of hosting is still above your budget, then you can make use of free e-Commerce platforms like eBay, Etsy and Amazon. There is no monthly fee to sell your products, and you only pay a small fee for listing your product.

3. Become a Social Media Manager.

New social media platforms are springing up all over the internet. These social media platforms have huge audiences at any given time of the day. This makes it important for businesses to create and maintain a social presence on these social media platforms if they want to be visible to potential customers.

This need for a social media presence has created a new and unique business opportunity. It is very tedious to spend time creating content to add to the social media platforms. And with so many platforms to have to keep track of, it can be a full-time job.

Many companies are in need of a social media manager, and you can help. This is one of the online business ideas that will not become saturated. New companies are emerging every day and need to maintain a social media presence. So you will never run short of a potential client list.

It is very easy to create content and maintain a several social media accounts. You can use platforms like Hootsuite to manage several social media accounts simultaneously.

You can schedule posts and content for several weeks in advance. You can then charge clients a monthly fee for managing these accounts, which will be a lot less than having to hire an employee to provide this service full-time.

4. Become a Mobile App Developer.

Before you decide that mobile app development is only for those individuals who have spent years or more pursuing a formal education in coding, you might want to read this.

It is possible for non-techs to create mobile apps for clients with no coding skills. You can use mobile content management platforms like MAPS - Mobile Apps Productions Software.

These platforms allow you to create mobile apps and publish them to the Google Play and Apple app stores. In addition to publishing the apps on the app stores, the content management platforms allow you to provide back-end access to clients so that they can manage and update their mobile apps. You can also maintain the apps on the client's behalf and charge an additional monthly fee for management and hosting of the mobile app.

More than 91% of the world's population have a cell phone or mobile device. And as consumers become more attached to their mobile devices and more demanding of what it can provide and provide quickly, the demand for mobile apps will be even greater. More than 95% of businesses do not have a mobile app for their business. You can create a mobile app for these businesses at a price that they can afford. This is one of the online business ideas that has very little competition and huge earning potentials.

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6 Steps To Achieving Your Goals

6 Tips To Staying On Track With Your Goals

Setting goals is paramount to your success. Ensuring that your vision for your goals is written down is also a highly important step towards your success. I won't go into too much detail here, but there is something known as experiential learning that incorporates the body's movements into ones learning and memory process. This essentially means that the simple act of writing down details, goals, or facts implants them into our brain. We are able to bring up those details easier than if we had simply read them alone. With regards to our goals, this lets us recall them easier, and aids in implanting the vision of our goals into our subconscious minds. I implore anyone that wishes to create anything, or do anything significant in their lives to become clear about their goals, and write them down. If you have read anything on the law of attraction, you will know that the clearer your vision is, the more likely you are to bring it into your life.

Having a clear vision and knowing what your goals are is just part of the equation. Anyone who has set New Year's resolutions will relate to the strong sense of motivation for the days, and often times weeks shortly thereafter. Many people will also be able to relate to the feeling they get in the months afterwards when they are no longer sustaining their vision, or working towards their goals. This is very common, and tends to be part of most people's lives in general.

By following a few key steps, you can help maintain discipline to achieve your goals, and ensure you meet your own commitments to them.

1). Set Goals You Know You Can Achieve

This may sound incredibly obvious, but it plays such a vital part in your success. If your goal is to save $1,000,000 this year, is that something that is achievable from your current financial position? I'm not stating you should not have larger goals such as this. However, quite simply if you know you earn say $35,000 per year, and your savings are $10,000, do you strongly believe that you will somehow be able to make up the difference this year? Note I underlined believe, as this is absolutely imperative to your ability to achieving your goal. If your subconscious doesn't truly believe you are able to achieve your goal, then it will be nothing more than some words on a piece of paper that you disregard after a few days. Perhaps if your goal was to achieve $1,000,000 in savings, then you might want to give yourself a particular hurdle. For example you could plan out how long it will take you to save $1,000,000 on the assumption that your salary doesn't increase over time, and also that you are not receiving interest from the bank. Then, you could look at ways to save more per year to achieve the sum quicker. That way, your subconscious doesn't lose motivation at the sheer enormity of the task at hand.

2). Choose One Primary Goal

Using the abovementioned goal of saving $1,000,000 as an example, let's assume that due to the fact that you are ambitious you decide that you have ten goals to achieve in the year. This sounds very reasonable, and most people would have a similar philosophy. By choosing one primary goal to work towards, your energy is focussed and you will find that some of the other goals are achieved as a by-product of focussing on your main goal. Surprisingly enough, if you follow through on this, you may even find that once your main goal is achieved, you will be able to do more than what you had anticipated. You may even re-write your goals after achieving them in a time-frame quicker than expected. In this example, it may be to firstly save $x amount of dollars. From there, perhaps you have some physical goals to work towards. Whilst you can incorporate healthy living, and exercise into your daily regime, if you focus on the one main goal first then you are more likely to fulfil it.

3). Format Your Goal

If you write your goals in format such as; save $1,000,000, you are not really telling your subconscious anything of value. If you format your goal in another way, you are telling your subconscious what is going to happen. As an example; By the age of fifty five I (insert your full name) will have saved $1,000,000. This can then be broken into smaller goals, or hurdles. As an example you might say; By the 5th of June 20xx, I (insert your full name) will have saved $25,000 towards my goal of saving $1,000,000 by the age of fifty five. What this tends to do is put the goal in the now. Meaning that whilst $1,000,000 seems so far away, saving $25,000 over the next couple of years should seem more realistic. Better yet, you can also break that goal down further into monthly goals. By... I will have saved $x towards my goal of saving $1,000,000 by the age of fifty five.

4). Read Your Goals Daily

It should only take a couple of minutes out of your day to do this. Some people even advocate reading them twice daily. This has the effect of creating focus as you are constantly reminding your subconscious of where you would like to go in life. If you are really committed, then you may even write out your full list of goals daily. This may seem drastic, but in reality by doing the things that others won't is what has lead most successful people to success in their chosen field.

5). Reward Achievement

This plays such a vital role in maintaining your discipline towards any given goal. If you desire something, then making it a reward for achieving a particular milestone in your life has a profound effect on maintaining your momentum towards your goal. This can be anything from a night out, to a weekend away, to that nice dress or pair of shoes you were wanting. This has a dramatic effect, as you are rewarding yourself for your discipline, which in turn reinforces your positive habits. If you don't reward yourself from time to time, then the hard work you have put in can seem mundane at times.

6). Create A Vision Board

A vision board is something that you can see daily. It feeds your subconscious the desire, and drive to achieve your goals. A Vision board can have anything on it that represents your goals. In case you are unaware as to what a vision board is, it is simply a poster you create yourself that you place on your wall. It should have photos or images that represent your desires. The options are limitless, and thankfully with the internet you can download free stock photos to use. You can also cut shapes, photos and clippings from magazines as well.

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What to Look For In Future Leaders

It is a fundamental quandary in any organization.

Someday, the current leaders won't be there and someone else will need to fill their shoes. It might not be soon, or it might be very urgent due to demographics, turnover or organizational growth. Whatever the reason, the question needs to be posed and answered - who are our future leaders?

In our work with leaders and organizations, this question gets asked often - and most often our help is required in creating processes and development tools to help people successfully grow into leadership roles once they have been identified. Those "how" steps are important but can only be implemented once the "who" has been identified.

So what should we look for and how should we pick future leaders?

Let's start with what not to do.

Most people pick future leaders by looking at their most technically proficient person doing the current work - they pick the best sales person to be the sales manager, the best accountant to head the accounting group or the most productive person on the crew to supervise the production crew.

While this happens frequently, and can work out, there are at least two major flaws in this approach:

• The skills required to be good at a job are not the same skills required to lead people doing that work.

• If you move someone from where they are excellent to where they may not be, you are sacrificing the work output that that high performer provided in their previous role.

If our best current performer isn't who we should automatically pick, who should we pick instead?

It might be that top performer you would have selected before you read this article, but if so, I hope it will be for some additional reasons. Here is what you should look for, both in current activities at work, outside of work, and through conversations with people:

Interest and Desire. There are lots of people who seem to have the raw materials to lead, but aren't really interested. They like being a salesperson; they like being in the field; they like doing IT projects - in other words they love their current work. The role of leader requires a change in perspective and a change in work routine. Make sure the people you see as future leaders like the picture you see. If not, moving them into leadership will likely be painful for everyone.

A Mindset of Learning. The role of leader requires new skills and a willingness to live with shades of gray and ambiguity. No one moves into a leadership role without needing to learn a lot (and for a long time). If you are looking for people to move into supervisory and leadership roles, look for people who are willing to learn - which is best seen by how much they are already learning in their current role.

Healthy Humility. The best leaders learn how to support their team, allow the team to shine when successful, and take the blame personally when things don't go so well. Not everyone can take this humble approach easily or naturally, yet it is a characteristic of great leaders. Recognize too that when you promote someone from a job they were great at to one that will be new to them; humility will be needed early and often if they are going to succeed.

A Positive Attitude. Face it. Attitude is contagious, and the attitude and outlook of a leader is most contagious of all. If you want a team of Don and Debbie downers, promote someone with a negative attitude - but it is likely that is what you will get. Everyone wants to have teams that are positive, upbeat and with a "can do" attitude. That attitude always starts with (and is reinforced by) the leader.

Integrity. This list wouldn't be complete without this critical element. We need leaders who are honest, trustworthy and of high character. As you look at future leaders, don't get enamored by skills and potential and miss this critical element. Organizational horror stories often start when this trait has been missed or overlooked.

While there are many traits that you might have thought about including the ones on this list, chances are all of those other things are skills that can be learned. And you can teach people the skills they need to be successful. But those skills can't (or won't) be learned, or applied properly and effectively unless the foundation listed above is in place first.

You might consider other factors related to the style and approach of people and how it will match and mesh with the culture of your organization, but even some of those things can be adjusted by the leader, if the expectations for success are made clear early.

It is important to note that my belief and philosophy is that everyone has the potential - the raw materials - to become an effective leader. Potential however, is only the start. It takes a decision, discipline and the right mindset to hone and use that potential to create the skills necessary to effectively lead others.

I hope that this list provides guidance to you and others in your organization - or at least provides input for a discussion that leads to creating your own list of criteria for identifying future leaders in your organization.

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10 Questions to Make You a Better Listener

Listening is a skill we'd all like to get better at - I can't think of a time when I asked someone or a group if they wanted to be a better listener and someone said, "no".

It is a life skill that impacts our ability to communicate, build relationships and get things done. It helps us learn. Doing it well can save us immense amounts of time, effort and frustration.

While in some ways we think about listening as an act of not talking, actually, to be a highly effective listener we do need to talk and engage - and one of the best ways to engage as a listener is by asking questions.

Today I am giving you a "starter pack" of questions you can use to be a better listener. Seven of these questions you can ask others, and three are questions for you to keep in mind, but not ask out loud.

The Out Loud Questions

Not all of these will apply in every situation, so modify and use the appropriate ones for a given conversation.

• "How do you feel about that?" This question encourages the other person to go deeper and share more about their point of view.

• "Can you tell me more about that?" While this question could be answered with a yes or no, in practice it is one of the most useful listening questions as it encourages the other person to continue and it will work in nearly any situation.

• "I hear you saying... X... do I have that correct?" This is a version of paraphrasing the other person to check for understanding, and then ask for confirmation. There are many ways to ask this - find one that works for you because it is critical to your ability to both understand and help the other person know that you understand.

• "What would make it better?" This allows the other person to share their viewpoint and take the next step in the conversation.

• "How can I help?" Maybe you can, and maybe you can't help. But asking and probing to see their perspective shows that you are willing to help! Hint - don't ask if you are not willing to actually help in some way!

• "What's next?" This question moves us forward. It might signal to the other person that you are bored with the current topic, so be careful of the tone and placement of this question. It can also signal that you are ready to help with solution.

• What is the most important thing to remember?" If you really want to understand the other person, help them summarize for you. This question offers that chance and signals that you DO want to remember.

The Internal Questions

These are not meant as questions to ask of the other person, but of yourself. Thinking about these questions will help you stay engaged in the conversation and avoid a wandering mind. They also keep you focused on what is ultimately most important - your relationship with the other person.

• Do I really understand what they are saying? If the answer is yes, great. If not, it is time to ask some of the questions above.

• What are their non-verbal behaviors telling me? People communicate with more than their words - are you hearing with your eyes as well as your ears? Are you getting the full message?

• How can I best show my support for them right now? This is a powerful question to ask, and even more valuable when you take action on your answer.

As I said, these are a starter pack. Use these to start using questions more effectively when you listen. As you do, you will develop and find others to use, including alternative and personalized versions, that will expand your starter pack.

Listening is about more than just hearing and understanding the messages being communicated by others. You send back a much bigger and ultimately more important message to others when you truly listen - you communicate that you support and care about the other person. These questions will help you remain mindful of this bigger purpose and help you listen more effectively whenever you use them.

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Your Success Depends on This Skill

My hope is that this headline makes you wonder.

Perhaps you are guessing what the skill is.

Perhaps you are thinking I am pretty presumptuous to suggest I know the most important skill you need, after all, I don't know you, your experience or what you do for a living.

This skill is so ubiquitous that it does not matter what you do, where you live, how old you are or what your present skills are. Unless you live on a desert island, or in a cave all alone with no internet and no interest in ever seeing or interacting with another human being, this skill is critical to your success - and even your survival.

The skill is communication.

Since you don't live in a cave or on a desert island (or if you do, you at least have an internet connection), you are and will interact with others, so your ability to communicate your wants, needs, ideas, desires, plans, and approaches will impact the results you get - both in the short and long term. And however you want to measure it, building these skills is nearly a sure bet to increase your success.

And because we can all communicate with some level of proficiency, we forget this important fact. We search for missing keys and success secrets in many places - from the practical, like building our technical skills, to the mental, like therapy, to the spiritual, like finding our passion, and much more. The fact is, the biggest secret is not a secret at all, it is right in front of us. While any or all of these other paths or secrets may be of great help, without increasing our ability to communicate effectively, tactfully and persuasively, we put a limit on our satisfaction and success.

Perhaps a more accurate title for this piece would be - The Level Of Your Success Depends On How Much Of This Skill you Have.

However effective you are as a communicator, you can improve. You can build your skills, you can acquire better habits and as you do, you become more effective with those around you. So whether you view success as great relationships, being a great parent, or making a difference at work or in your community, your communication skills are right there impacting every moment of your efforts.

Communication Skills are Life Skills

So I have already covered this point, but let me be clear - as you increase your ability to communicate in one area of your life, you take those new skills and habits to all other parts of your life. This means you will have a massive and immediate return on your investment and effort in becoming a more effective and confident communicator.

Communication Comes in Many Forms

As you have been reading, you have likely been thinking about one type of communication - perhaps one you know you need to improve, or even one that is a current strength. Whichever that is, be it written, face to face, over the phone, non-verbally, in a group, or presenting in front of a large group, they all matter, and improving any or all of them can have a positive impact on your life.

Communication is Interconnected to Everything

Think about anything you do, and you realize that communication is a part of it. When you are with others you are always communicating and you really can't stop. Given that nearly everything you do during your day is impacted by your effectiveness as a communicator, as you get better at it, everything seems to improve all at once.

Communication is a Hinge

One of my favorite quotations, which I first heard from a mentor of mine, is: "little hinges swing big doors." Your ability to effectively communicate is a hinge. As you communicate better, you will literally open bigger and bigger doors for your future. Consider it like as massive leverage for your future success.

If you are still reading, you agree with me in at least some way, and chances are you want to be a more effective communicator. If so, I congratulate you on that choice. Your next step is to determine how you will improve your skills. There are many ways to do that, including, reading a book, getting some coaching, observing and emulating others, asking for feedback, taking a skills assessment, or taking a workshop.

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Jim Rohn - Personal Development - Living An Exceptional Life

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It's possible to live out your dreams

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5 Things Men Think (But Do Not Say) About Women

What do men really think about women? Find out 5 harsh truths here.

1. Your bubbliness and extroversion does not distract us from the fact that you are fat.

Observe a group of girls in a bar. There is always one who is louder, acts crazy and seems to dance and drink more than everyone else. She's very talkative and laughs a lot - she's the centre of attention in the group. She's usually the fat chick. Yep, you can be all lively and friendly, but ultimately, you're fat and therefore unattractive. All the laughter in the world will not bring us any closer to your bed.

2. A friend doesn't mean someone who is only on your Facebook.

Her: You know my friend Rachel, right?

Him: Erm, not sure.

Her: You know, the one who just had the baby? She was a temp in the office next door for a week last year, haven't seen her since.

Him: OK, what about Rachel?

Her: I think I will invite her to my birthday party, she just had a baby and put on a bit of weight, she was posting on Facebook how depressed she was so a party will be good for her. Plus, I really miss her.

No, she is not your friend. You have not had any contact with this person with whom you probably only exchanged a couple of words in the one week she worked there.

3. Your IQ, job title and educational background means nothing if you are not physically attractive.

Top lawyer? Filthy-rich banker? PhD in biochemistry? If you're not hot, we don't care. We are not interested in your career or how strong and independent you are. We value beauty above all. Men don't cheat because they find someone more intelligent than their partners - fact.

4. We prefer women who had less sexual partners. We do not value your experience - we'd rather teach you.

OK, you give great head, but in the back of our minds is not only the pleasure you're giving us but also how many times you've given it to other men. As girlfriend material, we'd rather have a virgin with an open mind willing to learn than a sex goddess in bed.

5. We really don't care which top looks better with that skirt.

Her: this one, or this one? I think I prefer this one, though I'm not sure, 'cause this one looks good too?!?

Him: whatever.

We mean it, we really do. For men there is no difference between the light green and the dark green top, they both look nice. It's just a piece of clothing, just choose one and wear it.

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Doing Business With Family and Friends

Would you feel more satisfied with your life if you had a devoted family and great friends but had little to show in the wealth column, or if your net worth made you extremely wealthy but you were estranged from your closest relatives and colleagues or lacked genuine companionship?

For many people, the love of family cannot be equalled by any amount of riches, and as the saying goes, "Good friends are better than pocket money." Whereas your wealth can be eroded, caring family members and true friends will remain loyal to you through both prosperity and lean times.

While having a good relationship with family and friends is priceless, don't assume that the rapport that you share with your closest companions will also carry over into the business world. On the contrary, operating an enterprise with your loved ones can sometimes be fraught with major challenges.

Can your relationship stand the test of business?

It's not unusual to hear stories of formerly loving family members being torn apart after they went into business together, or of friends who no longer speak to each other after an unsuccessful attempt at a joint venture. How could owning a business with your loved ones possibly create this personal stress?

The reality is that running a business requires fortitude and professionalism, and the tough demands may conflict with the affectionate feelings that you share with your family and friends. Let's look at some strategies that can help you to manage the process of doing business with people you love.

Assess your compatibility

Before you get started on actualising a business idea with a loved one, you need to be honest about the traits and capabilities of all parties involved. Think about the personal habits that could hinder the business, and consider how these could lead to potential problems in the future.

For example, if one party procrastinates all the time, it could affect your ability to follow through on jobs, and it may be unwise to give the business cheque book to a partner who is careless with money. Try to avoid having business relationships with people who don't measure up to your work standards.

Establish specific roles

You need to be very professional about what each party is expected to do in operating the business. Don't make assumptions about your roles and responsibilities; it is recommended that you put your expected work functions in writing so that there will be no misunderstandings in the future.

Although you will all bring valuable skills to the business, there should be only one person ultimately in charge. It can be very difficult for employees if different partners make conflicting requests, so you need to determine an organisational chart that clarifies each person's level of authority.

Discuss profit-sharing

One objective of going into business with your loved ones is that you can collaborate to create wealth, so it's important to make a plan for how the business income should be shared. You should also determine if the owners should take a monthly salary or wait until the business shows profit.

There can be resentment if one party does more of the work yet receives the same amount of income as the other parties, so be certain that each role is adequately remunerated. Also, ensure that you agree on how much money should be retained to grow the business for the future.

Use independent advisors

Although you may think that family and friends should trust each other, when you're in business, it's best to allow an accountant to maintain the books and ensure that the financial transactions are above-board. In addition, hire an attorney to create fair and legal agreements for all parties.

If there are disagreements about how the business should be managed, it would be useful to engage a business advisor who can help you to determine your best strategies. If money is tight, then get an experienced friend who can objectively guide all the parties into making the right decisions.

Create an exit plan

While you hope that your business efforts will be successful, there may come a time when you need to terminate your working relationship with your loved ones. Ensure that there is an established process before you even get started that will dictate how the assets and liabilities should be shared.

If there are outstanding obligations to be met, it may be a complicated process to close the business and pay out each party. Get the help of an accountant to determine how best to liquidate the entity and ensure that each party is fairly recompensed.

Even if running a business with your family and friends does not work out, remember that you shared close bonds with your loved ones prior to the venture. Refocus your relationship away from work issues and try to restore the fun and camaraderie that you enjoyed before.

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Simple Tips for a Successful Life

 A lot of people get annoyed when a successful person tells them that money and power isn't everything. I attended "An Evening With Arianna Huffington" the other night at Princeton University and several people noted that it's much easier to have that philosophy after you've "Made It" and have a lot of money. However, when you listen to Arianna's story, you see that she is offering us a cautionary tale. She's sharing her story of challenges, heart ache, and failure so we can learn from her mistakes.

The bottom line is our priorities and measurement of success are flawed. Our calendars are filled with an endless list of tasks to prove to the world that we are the best parent, employee, student, soccer player, dancer, or musician. At the same time, making a home cooked meal, going for a run, or relaxing with your family is viewed as unimportant.

The worst part is we are setting a bad example for our children. The number of children and college students on antidepressants continue to rise every year. Our children are using our faulty definition of success and can't deal with the pressure and fear disappointing us.

We all need to take a moment and decide what's most important to us and re-evaluate our definition of success. Then the easy part starts, actually making simple changes to make your life truly SUCCESSFUL!

Recharge Your Battery, Not Just Your Smartphone's Battery

Although our body tries to warn us, we don't have a digital readout like our smart phone to let us know we only have 10% battery left. As a result, we sometimes keep going till our battery dies.

We all need to create a personal plan to recharge our batteries. It could be taking a class at the local gym, going for a walk, reading a book, watching TV, playing with your kids, or hanging out with your friends. The key is finding something you like that recharges your battery before it gets too low.

Get Enough Sleep

Your productivity, creativity, and health all suffer when you don't get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Do you think you function just fine with only 3-4 hours of sleep? Numerous studies say you are wrong.

Learn how to call it a night and go to sleep. Stop pushing yourself beyond your physical limits and learn to say "No, I can't do anything else right now." People will respect you more for standing up for yourself. Besides the fact that no one wants to be around someone who is sleep-deprived, bad mannered, and making poor decisions.

Turn Off That Gremlin Inside Your Head

We all need to turn off the annoying gremlin inside our head that tells us we aren't good enough. The secret to defusing the gremlin is recognizing that it's voice comes from FEAR. Sure it's scary to try something new and different, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go for it.

Start slowly and don't be afraid of mini-setbacks. You'll get there at the pace that's right for you. You can do Anything!

Take Time To Meditate Everyday

Meditation doesn't have to mean sitting on the floor with your legs crossed and chanting. You can choose the type of 'meditation' that works best for you. It might be traditional meditation, yoga, or deep breathing. However, it could also be as simple as walking outside, closing your eyes for a few minutes, or counting to 10. What's important is taking some time to reflect and de-stress each day.

Do What Makes You Happy

There may be some nights when you can't avoid staying late at work or missing your kid's baseball game. However, that doesn't have to be your normal routine. It's important to find a happy balance where you can work hard, but still have time for the people and things that mean the most to you.

You don't need to fill your day with worry, stress, unmanageable workloads, and unhappiness. Become a role model for your children and teach them how important it is to balance work, life, and fun. We can all benefit from Arianna Huffington's lessons. Take the first step and redefine what success means to you and your family. Then enjoy your journey to the wonderful, healthy, and happy life of your dreams.

Beverly M. Entin is the owner of Entin Health Coaching Group, LLC specializing in health coaching solutions for children, adults, and families designed to fit your life.

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Do We Really Need Money?

This is the age of drowning in debt. People are stressed way beyond their means trying to keep up with bills and coming up with cash for all the toys and unnecessary "things". The hydro bill is astronomical and the cell phone bill is never as it should be. We are frantic to find a way to get ahead. It seems impossible; so we settle for robbing Peter to pay Paul. We think that we aren't quite good enough if we aren't as financially stable as others. We think the only way to rectify this situation is to work harder and longer, which in turn takes us away from LIFE. Life= family, friends, fishing, travelling, writing, whatever your joy is. We soon let go of our joy in the name of money. What does Money have to do with living? Up until a century ago money wasn't the only way to survive. Money is an illusion.

What happened to the barter system? What happened to self sufficiency? What happened to Homesteading? Was it Capitalism? Old men in suits trying to hold control over the population; by creating classes; Rich, Middle class, Poor? The solution to getting free from the system that grips us and defines us so thoroughly, is to step out of the system. Take the red pill. Get off the grid. You don't have to live like the Uni-Bomber to be self sufficient. There are many couples and families that have done it very comfortably and initiated it rather cheaply. You don't NEED to have an enormous million dollar eco-mansion. But a wonderfully efficient straw bale house (which looks like a nice smooth stucco house when completed) with solar panels and a wind mill. Build it as you have the cash,no need to go deep in debt. I've noticed in my travels that people from other countries don't frown upon building a home as you have the money. Stage by stage. Running to banks and lenders isn't their only option. So they have less worry about going so far in the hole, that a job loss or sickness would send them in a downward spiral of financial despair. Yet this seems to be our standard practice. Yes of course it costs money to build your eco-home! Start by buying a nice plot of land, put a trailer on it. Get a food growing system in order. Get some chickens, maybe a goat or two. Now you're ready to start building. Buy the building materials as the money comes in. Buy Lumber one month, straw the next. Buy solar panels as you see them on sale. It all depends on how much work you want to do and how frugal you can be. Resourcefulness will be your best friend.

Imagine not being connected to Hydro at their astronomical rates? Imagine not being indebted to the bank for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Imagine not having to pay crazy prices for fuel? If you learn how to be sustainable Money becomes less relevant. Less useful. We can start to live our lives a little more. Enjoy our family and friends. Enjoy our hobbies. Have a life that you can be proud of on your deathbed. It is a cliché but no one ever said they were so happy they worked themselves to death and had no time for what was important like family. Those on their deathbeds usually regret their choice to have overworked themselves as they didn't know any other way to live! It has been engrained in us that this is what life is: we are born,we work a substandard job to sustain a lacklustre life and then we die. What?! No way, I refuse to believe it and I refuse to participate in it.

There are many homesteaders out there that are enjoying life free from the grid, free from the ludicrous expectations we have put on ourselves as a society. Living full, rich lives. Enjoying their families, growing their own foods, raising animals, bartering with neighbours, driving biodiesel cars running off the biodiesel which can be easily refined and it works out to approx. 5 cents a litre. The key is to get enough people who are sick of being trapped in this way of life. So we can build communities with this model in mind. Neighbourhoods built off the grid. It can work, we just have to be the ones to step up and make it happen. No one is going to do it for us. The government isn't going to do it. They are too busy with their hand in destroying our planet for profit. They aren't going to help us save it. It is OUR duty.

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It's Not OVER Until You Win! Your Dream is Possible - Les Brown

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Time Management - How to Manage Your Time

When I think about time management and how to manage your time, I think about one of the funniest things I ever heard. Someone I was working with said they didn't have time to take a workshop or learn any of the tips for better time management. Really? That's when I thought, "Keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you've got". That quote applied to them, for sure.

When people have issues with time management and how to manage your time one of the things that may help them get through the day is learning how to say "No". Saying "no" doesn't always mean that it won't get done. It can mean that the task won't get done at that moment. Saying "no" could mean talking to a manager or co-worker first. Then after that conversation, all could agree that the task will get done at a later time. Or, it could mean that everyone agrees that that particular task doesn't need to be done after all. As each day goes on, there are many times when things that were important at the start of the day become less important by noon or mid-afternoon.

The idea of time management and how to manage your time also means that one person doesn't have to do everything. A person may be part of a team. A person might be a family member. They might be the head of the house. Or, they could be the manager of a department with a deadline to meet. The bottom line is there are other people around who can do their part to help with getting things accomplished.

A lot of times we think that the quickest and easiest way of accomplishing something isn't talking it over with another person to help complete the task. A lot of the time we say "oh, I'll do it myself" and we really believe we can do it when we say it. Unknowingly, we could be saying it 4, 8, 10 times a week. We probably never connect our willingness to "do it myself" with the headache, stress, and sleeplessness we may also be experiencing. This is when having great time management skills is important.

Part of getting everything done includes getting help from all of the resources we have. Resources include co-workers, friends, siblings, family members (including children and teenagers), and anyone else who will benefit from the task actually being completed. Sharing the time it takes to get a task completed gives everyone more time to do things they really want to do, as opposed to being consumed with doing the all things we have to do. It can also allow more time to do some of the other things on listed on our To Do list that need to be done. (You do make a prioritized To Do list every day, right? If the answer is no, this is a simple time management tip that can help you get things done more effectively.)

When folks start to get stressed, or when they don't get everything done that needs to get done... when they see that others around them aren't as busy and they seem to be doing everything... it's time to stop and think. "Did I make a prioritized To Do list? Did I ask for help? Did I plan for how to get this task done with other people's help? Do I feel stressed out?" If my answers are not "yes", "yes", "yes" and "no", then it's time for a change. It's time to do some real time management and learn how to manage your time. Getting things done on time with less stress should be the #1 priority.

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3 Facts About Female Orgasms Every Man Should Learn

Who else finds the whole topic of female orgasms both magical... and a little bit mysterious? Are you a confident lover who gets tons of attention and affection from the opposite sex, yet still isn't 100% sure about what REALLY drives a girl wild in bed? Do you find yourself guessing at what turns her on, and what takes her over the top? Or, maybe you THINK you've got it all figured out, and really know how, why and WHEN a woman has an orgasm, and what you are doing that truly titillates her between the sheets? If you are anything like the millions of men who are searching for more information on what women REALLY want in bed and are always on the lookout for a little bit of extra "game" between the sheets, this article was written with YOU in mind!

Curious to know more about what she REALLY wants when the lights go off? Continue reading as we take a closer look below!

Filed Under: The Two Different Types of Multiple Orgasms for HER

There are two different types of ways that a woman can climax multiple times during sex. There is the "sequential" climax, where she is able to achieve orgasm many times in close proximity to each other. There is also the "serial" orgasm, which takes place in the SAME sexual experience, but is usually separated by at least several minutes, and usually a little bit longer. (anywhere from 5-30 minutes apart)

Filed Under: The IDEAL Way to Give Her one of Each!

Serial climaxes are often best facilitated through conventional sex. (intercourse) This is where issues and advantages of size and stamina can lead ONE lovemaking session to become a perpetual wave of intimacy and ecstasy for her.

The sequential climax is usually associated with foreplay types of activities, and is the ideal way to please your partner if you struggle during conventional sex. For example? A man who has staying power or stamina issues will be far less likely to procure multiple sequential climaxes, but with practice and the right technique, can still please his partner very efficiently (and erotically) with manual or oral stimulation that leads to a similar result.

Filed Under: She Has a Very Different Sexual Response Cycle Than You Do

Said more succinctly? Statistically, most men can achieve orgasm within 7 minutes of sex starting. As a matter of fact, a series of highly publicized sexual studies and surveys done in 2013 showed that the average sexual encounter between a man and a woman lasted only 8 minutes from start to finish, and that included the period before sex began as well. The truth is, most women need 12-14 minutes to achieve climax, as our body's have a very different way of heating up than a man.

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Tips for Taking a Road Trip Vacation

With the cost of travelling abroad soaring in the recession, a lot more people are exploring their home country and taking road trips in their vehicle, instead of flying.

In countries like America, the price of fuel is so cheap that even driving hours across the country is cheaper that getting one trip on public transport. It is always good to see your own country and there is nothing to be ashamed of if you just want to drive across country instead of travelling abroad.

The only massive expense that you would have would be staying in hotels, but you don't even have to do that if you choose your vehicle wisely.

Mobile Home

If you were to drive a car, then you would need to pay for hotels. However, if you were to drive a mobile home, then you would just need to pay to enter a camp and you could all sleep in the mobile home.

The cost of a spot on a camp is a lot more affordable than staying in a hotel. It might even be cheaper to stay in a camp for a week, than staying in a hotel for one night.

GPS

If you are travelling across the country, you should plan to have a GPS with you. You will only need the zip code of your destination and the GPS will give you turn-by-turn instructions for how to get to your destination.

GPS will take the stress out of travelling because even if you take a wrong turn the GPS will just recalculate a new route for you. It can do this within a few seconds when you are driving, you won't even have to stop and consult a map.

You can get GPS which will give you live tips about traffic and even warn you when a speed camera is approaching. Some will tell you the position of some police cars so you will know if you are approaching a speed trap.

Having said that, it is important that you still have a map handy just in case you come across an area that is not in the GPS yet, or you have no signal so you can't connect anyway. If this happens, you will need a map to find a new route.

You will be stressed if you get stuck in the middle of nowhere and you have no idea how to get back on track. You could end up driving miles out of your way until you find a sign that says you have to go back on yourselves. Not to mention that you could be using fuel that you didn't need to use. This will have connotations for the price of your trip.

Height Sensor

If you are driving through the country and you have no idea what is waiting for you, then you have to use height sensors on your mobile home. Mobile homes are large and you will need to know if there are low hanging hazards on the roads.

You might approach a thin, winding road and you will need the sensor to tell you if the road is too thin. You will probably be able to decide this for yourself, but the sensor will tell you in enough time to change your route. You don't want to get stuck on the approach to the hazard; holding traffic up until you can turn around.

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From Online Dating to Marriage

For many of the people who try online dating, marriage is still years away. Online dating is a way to connect with other singles and try to meet new people in a fraction of the time it usually takes. With so many options, so many people to chat with, meet and possibly date, it can be difficult to even think about marriage. There isn't a lot of information on using online dating to build a relationship all the way to marriage. Most people are just hoping to go on a few dates and meet someone they can start a relationship with. However, here are a few tips for helping you build a relationship when you meet someone through online dating. Hopefully these tips can help you to build a relationship all the way to marriage:

1. Take your time: Online dating allows you to meet people faster but you do not want to rush. You are looking for a match and to start a relationship so do not rush it. Take your time and try to build a solid foundation.

2. Connecting lives: One of the negatives of online dating is you meet someone and you do not have any connection to them as far as friends, family, work or anything like that. When you meet someone at a party you have mutual friends, which doesn't seem like a big deal but it actually is a big help as you get to know the person. So if you meet someone you like online and you start dating try to make an effort to get to know their friends and vice versa.



3. Don't forget what brought you to the dance: Part of what got you into your initial conversation with the person you are now with is common interests. It's ironic how a lot of those mutual hobbies are no longer a priority when you get into a relationship. Don't let things get stale, keep things exciting and enjoy your mutual hobbies so you can spend more time together.

It may seem weird to worry about marriage when you are starting out with online dating but isn't that the ultimate goal? Because online dating is a different start than typical dating we have to get used to doing things a little bit differently once a relationship gets going. Don't look at this as a negative, in fact this can give you a great advantage with being able to learn about your partners life and vice versa. It isn't fun to date someone who knows everything about you before you even meet them. Things can go stale fast that way. Online dating offers a fresh start that can take you all the way to marriage.

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How to Lose Friends

The easiest way to lose friends is to ignore them or miraculously become too busy for them. If you apologize later and make it up to them then it works out OK. However, it has been my experience that if you ignore someone for too long that bond is lost. Sometimes we try to go back to the ghost of relationships past as though it were no big deal with our friends. The reality is people form other bonds to replace the relationships that we walked away from.

I know for me I will look at texts from a long time ago and try that old, "hey how ya been?" By then they have moved on and hardly remember my name. It's important to respect people's time. This is something I have learned over the years. Yes, we all get busy but not that busy.

Another way to lose a friend is to not ask them about themselves. If it's only a one-sided conversation with only you talking sooner or later no one will want to listen to you. It's OK to be chatty Kathy, but make sure the conversation is about all parties involved in the conversation not just the speaker. Venting is fine but keep it fair. Hogging the spotlight in friendships will soon mean that only the lone light of the moon will be your only spotlight.

Gossip. I'm guilty of indulging so I know we all do it. It's easy right? We always swear our mean words will never get back to the person(s) we were discussing; until it happens. There are few greater betrayals than the realization that the one you thought was your friend was assassinating your character while you were sleeping. So if someone starts gossiping about your friend? Change the subject or walk away. Don't give in to the gossip. Besides, if it gets ugly they could file a lawsuit for slander and bigger words like defamation of character. That's when you know your friendship went straight to hell.

Last but not least: favors. If you would give a homeless man twenty dollars don't be afraid to give it to your friend. I'm not saying give to the one friend that always asks. I'm saying give to the friend that needs it. Otherwise what's friendship? In this cruel world of strangers determined to remain strangers unless it's on Twitter or Facebook who wants a so called friend that's colder than a stranger? If you can't help a friend when they're down you will find that friend distancing themselves from you because some people have other definitions of friendship. In the end most people who refuse to help another friend will only realize they no longer have that friend when they need help themselves.

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Healing the Relationship With Your Mother

To truly heal your life, you must be willing to become a more conscious human being. You must bare your heart open for the higher form of conscious love, the love that enables you to forgive your enemies. It is through this enduring love, forgiveness, compassion, acceptance and understanding that you will truly experience peace and everlasting happiness.

My mother went through all kinds of hardship and trauma during the horrible Chinese Cultural Revolution. She managed to survive physically, but she became a very angry person.

In her angry state, which was very often, she would hit me and accuse me of being a 'waste of space', 'a worthless piece of shit' and allegations like 'you have come to ruin my life.'

Never once did I believe her.

I looked at myself and I was always in awe of my own magnificence. I would think, 'I am a human being, my life is precious. I can see, smell, hear, feel, talk, think and create. I can be anyone and do anything if I so choose. I have been given so many gifts, gifts that money cannot buy.

'I am not a worthless piece of shit and I am not a waste of space, far from it. I worth just as much as everyone else and I am important. I matter.

'I have a voice of my own. Only I can speak for myself. No one in the world can destroy me unless I allow them.

I can choose to give my power away and be destroyed, or I can choose to hold my power and create my desired destiny.'

This knowing of owning my life and that I must be the light unto myself was what got me through the darkest hours of my life; it was what made me ward off the negative impact of abuse; it was what made me rise above self-pity and respect my inner value.

I used to think my mother hated me, for why would she abuse me if she did not hate me? But one day, a deeper truth was revealed to me.

I was led to see that my mother only 'appeared' to hate me. Her hatred to me was a form of love, a twisted, retarded form of unconscious love, from a person with a victim mentality.

In an unevolved human mind, love and hate arise from the same fear, fear of not being good enough; they are just delivered in a different way. When she was buried deeply in her own psychological pain, and when she was trapped in her deep guilt, love was expressed as hatred towards the person she wanted to love.

This explains why people often hurt those they love the most. My mother abused me out of her fear of inadequacy. Violence is fear screamed out loud. All violent people are scared and weak people who have no inner power.

Once I had this realisation, compassion instantly arose in me towards my mother. Years before, I swore that I would never let my mother come near my children. But once I realised my mother's inner suffering, I immediately brought her over to Australia to live with me in the hope that I could heal her.

By that time, I had a thriving natural medicine healing centre with ten practitioners working for me. I was a very successful Chinese Medicine practitioner, with a waiting list of four to six months. I used to spend ten hours at work and then come home to a mother who would criticise me for not folding my laundry properly.

Nothing I did was ever good enough for her.

One day, Mum was sitting at the dining table complaining about something I did not do right. Normally, when she complained, I tried not to look at her. But that day, I looked her in the eyes when she was complaining.

What I saw astonished me to the core of my being. I saw a profound sadness in her eyes, a really deep grieving kind of sadness as if she was mourning the death of someone she loved.

Suddenly, I realised she was mourning the death of her own dreams. She was born with the voice of an angel; she could have become one of the country's best opera singers if it wasn't for the revolution.

Her mourning had turned into a kind of bitter jealousy towards my success. The more successful I became, the more her bitterness grew towards me.

I went over and sat in front of my mother. I reached out to touch her hand, but she pulled it back quickly and stared at me with hostility as if I was an enemy who was going to attack her.

At that moment, I saw a very scared person, a person who felt so inferior that she had to pretend to be someone tough. The only way she could feel better was by putting someone else down in order to give her a fake feeling of being superior.

I started to cry. The realisation of her deep profound sadness opened my heart to feel her pain. I could feel every bit of it - all her broken dreams, regrets, pain, guilt, shame and remorse.

I felt her, all of her and I cried. Tears were flooding out uncontrollably. My mother pushed the chair back, stood up, then screamed at me, 'What are you crying for, you worthless piece of shit?

'You are the one who is successful. You are the one who always gets what you want, so what have you got to cry about?' Her face was turning red and blue, her arms were waving in the air. She was raging.

I did not react to her rage, because the rage was just a cover-up for her deep-seated fear of inadequacy and a sense of failure. She judged herself so badly inside and all she was doing was projecting her judgement outwards towards me.

I realised it was not me she was accusing, but herself. When she screamed at me 'you useless piece of shit', she was screaming at herself - she was calling herself that, not me. I was just a fake target, as she was her own enemy.

With this understanding, I let go of all judgements against my mother. I walked to her, held on to her arms, looked her in the eyes, then slowly spoke out these words: 'Mum, look at me. I love you. You are a good mum. You did the best you could.

'I love you. I don't blame you. I really don't. I understand you, I understand your pain, and I want to take it away from you, but I cannot do that for you. You have to let it go yourself before it kills you.

'It is right now killing your joy of living. What is the point of living like this? It hurts me seeing you hurting yourself. You must let go of the past. You can't live in the past.

'Today is a new day. Tomorrow is a new day. Let us look forward, not backward. Mum, I want you to live a long life. I want you to be at my children's wedding. You are my mum. I am grateful for you. I wouldn't be here if it was not for you. I am grateful for you, truly, Mum.'

With these words, she collapsed in my arms. I held her close to my heart for a long time while she let out her sorrow, pain, guilt and shame in her cry. She never called me 'a worthless piece of shit' after that day.

Mum has been living in Australia for fifteen years now. She is the happiest she has ever been. My love for her slowly but surely has been healing her pain.

I want nothing more than her healing before she leaves this earth.

She once wrote me a letter and asked for my forgiveness. I thanked her for the letter and told her that there was nothing for me to forgive. She did not do anything to harm me.

She could not harm me because I did not place myself under her power to be harmed. However, she was harming herself in inflicting pain upon me as well as herself.

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